Fairytales
by shirayuki-x
Summary: And eventually, I woke up and I realized; those were lies.


I used to believe those stories that now lie forgotten in the age of the times. Enclosed by books and movies of all sorts, hidden under that layer of dust that now covers them. They were my childhood companions, my shoulder to cry on when my boyfriend was gone and my best friend drunk. There was no where else I'd rather be, no other time and place, than there on a rainy afternoon, just lying on my bed and watching everyone get their happily ever afters. Those are some of the times I can smile back upon, and though I'd be smiling upon my naivete and carelessness towards my life, they can make me smile; a genuine smile, which is more than I can say for much else.

I used to believe those stories you would tell me before I went to bed, of dragons and knights and princesses in distress. Of apples, strolls through the woods, fairy godmothers and dainty glass slippers. You could make fairies and changelings come alive with the flow of your voice. Movies, I would ask you to recite the script, and books I would ask you to read because you always did it best. You told me it was okay to want a fairytale life, that reality couldn't go on without a little fiction in it. You told me I too would one day live your stories, my future clearing as my fairytale unwinds.

I used to think those stories were us, illustrating the drama of our lives, the passionate romance and the varying futures. You made me think the way we lived was going to be one of those stories, those fairytale endings. That our lives were planned out for us, and everything would be okay in the end. That my father would come back, my mother would stop wanting me to be tall, blonde, and beautiful, Nate would love me, and Serena be knocked off her throne. That I too, would get my 'happily ever after'.

But as the walls have cracks, so do your words. Eventually, I woke up, and I realized; those were lies. Carelessly thrown at me from an early age at an attempt to make me a less pathetic creature than I turned out to be. Lies - like you were. You made me think you cared about my made me think that you would protect me, always cover my back. You made me think I would never be alone, that you would always be there for me and we'll pull through together. You made me think you loved me. And you made me believe it.

Lies. Where were you when I needed you the most? When I was questioning myself, surrendering my self esteem, when my boyfriend abandoned me over a scandal that he himself once committed as well, with my best friend? Where were you when my best friend misunderstood, when my own mother abandoned me, when my father was miles away? Where were you when I needed a shoulder to cry on? Where were you when my world came crashing down?

I knew your words were fabrications. I always knew that. I never once did believe your promises about our future, how our world would play out. But your stories on the other hand...

I am smart. I'm the girl who will someday get into Yale! Or I was. My future is messed up. This is the part my teachers announce there was a mistake, Yale was accepting me after all, and that wannabe Nelly Yuki was not good enough. Will never be good enough. Not good enough for Yale. Not good enough to beat me at my own game. This is the part where my boyfriend returns, where my best friend stands by my side, where my mother assures me everything will be all right.

But instead, Nelly is in Yale, Nate is off with that Vanessa girl from Brooklyn, Serena doesn't trust me anymore, and my mother doesn't give a damn about my life unless it affects her social status.

I must have known, on some level, that your stories were just fibs. I wish I had realized it earlier. But I wanted to believe. I wanted so badly to know what would happen, how my world would play out. I wanted my happily ever after.

But now I realize. Life isn't a story. It isn't a walk in the park. It isn't a happily ever after. It isn't fair.

Now...now you're gone, the only person who ever truly understood me. Hard-workers end up getting run over, love turns against you, rewards never come. Everything that doesn't work out ends up piling on your shoulders until it breaks you. I tried so hard...so hard. What did I do wrong?

To wake up and realize that no matter how good I am, I'll never be that glamorous golden girl. That I'll never be tall, and blonde, and beautiful. Serena, no matter how much she parties and never pays attention, got into Yale with her large blue eyes and tall, willowy figure. Nate, no matter how slow or oblivious to the world (and me) got into Columbia. And Nelly. Nelly Yuki, who weighs at least 110 pounds and looks like a pumpkin. Even Nelly Yuki got into Yale.

Every tear dropping out of my eyes reminds me of how blind I was. Every heave of my stomach brings up my efforts, unkown.

In a fairytale, the princess is always saved by her prince, and they live happily ever after in their palace far, far away from Brooklyn.

But this isn't a fairytale. I'm not a princess. The concept of 'happily ever after' will never play its part in my life. Upper East Side is being invaded by Brooklynites, and the worst part is, no one's coming to save me.

...I used to believe your stories, Chuck...


End file.
